Thoughts

On a podcast, they talked about a simple meditation of asking yourself the question “I am?”. I had so many answers for who “I am”. It’s an interesting exercise to do on your next run. Just say the phrase silently to yourself. You will come up with many answers to the same question. I am – “fast”. I am – “running”. I am – “here now”. I am a husband, son, father, nerd. You get the idea. It didn’t stop, but lots of them were from different periods of my life. Some goofy, like. I am, “jumping over this rock”. Some were about the present, future, or past. It was a simple meditation to bring awareness to how you see yourself in this world, your life, and your mind. It highlighted this image of WHO I thought I was.

I’ve known that mental dialogue is critical to success in what we do, and what we think we are capable of. My kids say, “I am” about a lot of things. “I am not able to open this”, or “I am not able to figure this out”, or whatever needs to be done. I always hear them say the words before or after the moment of failure.

As I kept asking myself “I AM”, this image of me standing in front of a classroom full of children appeared. I would ask the kids, there would be a pause, and then one of the children would blurt out, “Oh, I know, I know.” “I am strong”, “I am funny”, or “I am grateful”. This went on until I ran out of answers. I was then blank, and left with just “I am.” That left me with the idea that I am just a body, a person having a human experience on earth and nothing more. I am here, now, moving through time and space. I picked up “The Miracle of Mindfulness”, and the memorable story he tells is about washing the dishes.

“While washing the dishes one should only be washing the dishes, which means that while washing the dishes one should be completely aware of the fact that one is washing the dishes.”

… “The fact that I am standing there and washing these bowls is a wondrous reality. I’m being completely myself, following my breath, conscious of my presence, and conscious of my thoughts and actions. There’s no way I can be tossed around mindlessly like a bottle slapped here and there on the waves.”

Not washing the dishes to get to the cup of tea or TV show you will watch when done. You are fully aware of what you do right now at this current moment because its a critical mindset to carry us through life.

As our lives get hectic, or distracted by technology. The point we sometimes forget is that we are alive, and present in what we do, day in and day out. Enjoying family, enjoying a workout, enjoying a race. The older you get the faster it goes.

“Without noticing we’re doing it, we treat the future as intrinsically more valuable than the present. And yet the future never seems to arrive.”

You think retirement, vacations, weekends, or what’s next will be better than your current situation, but it won’t. If you can’t enjoy the current moment you’re in, those future items won’t bring peace. I stay present when I run. I listen to my surroundings and find new sights on things I’ve done a thousand times. You would be surprised how much you might be missing out on if you’re staring at your phone, or listening to music. Our minds were meant to rest, and not always have a podcast or music blasting in our ears. After two hours of this “I am”, I did eventually put my podcast back on. See what I did there, this all started because I heard it on a podcast. I was seeing if you were paying attention 😉 Are you crazy? Who can run for 4 hours and NOT listen to some music?!?! I’m just kidding, but have some boredom and downtime once in and while. You might receive a message the world is trying to tell you. Get out there, get moving, and start answering the questions for yourself, “I am <insert answer here>”. Let me know what you discover in the comments below.

Patrick Durante

Patrick is an ultrarunner and coach from Philadelphia who loves documenting his running career. His mission is to provide useful tips and tricks to assist others along their ultra journey. You can find his coaching services at https://ultraruncoach.com.

bouncingsoles.com/about-patrick-durante/

I was thinking about my beating heart. Weird, I know, right? If you’re in a quiet setting, you can feel it, and it gave me this idea: there are many bodily functions over which we have no control. Heart rate, hair growth (bald guy here wishes he could ?), kidney function, etc. The body takes control and manages everything on autopilot. Then there are the things under our control: what food we put in our mouths, what we consume with our eyes and ears, and where our feet take us. That’s how life works—some things are in your control, and the rest are not.

You control what races you sign up for and what you do in training. There’s a large amount of control there. But what if the body could decide where you spend your time, what food you could eat, or what workouts to do? It can’t, but it does send signals. Low energy, limited range of motion, inability to touch your toes, overly tight or sore muscles, or chronic injuries are signal flares. Could you imagine if your body took over and started doing stretches and mobility work because it knew?!? “Hey, your quads or hamstrings are way too tight! I’ll fix this,” similar to the immune system. That idea was making me laugh for some reason…

In racing, you can’t control who shows up. It’s the old trope: control the controllable. I was also thinking about the term “control freaks”, the term I used to generate some nice AI art. Those who try to control everything make for bad parents, bosses, spouses, etc. Control freaks want to see things done how they want versus what’s best for the situation. Not that you shouldn’t try to influence your life in some way, but realize that in parts of it, you only have control over your emotions, and that’s it.

There is a part to “being prepared,” but there is also a part to letting go and trusting in the training, mixed with situational awareness. You can stack the deck in your favor. Bad weather, wet shoes, missed aid stations, or whatever—you can control how you feel. That is what you have control over, not letting your emotions or imagination run wild because it’s never as bad as you think. That’s normally what results in a DNF, where your expectation of what you thought didn’t align with your pace or place.

You get dealt cards in life and must play the hand given. Some get dealt a pair of aces, while you get a pair of 2s or 3s. “You get what you get and you don’t get upset” is what I tell my children. Life isn’t fair, but it favors those who don’t give in and are mindful vs mindless. Those who keep finding a way to survive, and those who keep pushing forward when they think they are out of options. If you have a beating heart and can stand on your two feet, keep moving. Control is an illusion, like a magic trick our minds play on us. You have no control, just control over how you feel. That’s why they say to know yourself, how you react, what sets you off—be aware of it so you can control THAT, not the situation. Make the best of it, smile, laugh, and bust your ass every day. Your heart keeps beating without your control, hoping you put the right things in your mouth, get enough sleep, and move throughout the day.

My question is, if the body could control itself, what would it stop you from doing? You have to pull yourself out of bad situations, almost thinking, “My body would prefer I not do this to myself.” Mood follows action, and more times than not, once I start doing what needs to be done, the mind gets on board. Like the heart beating on its own with no intervention, what if the body decided to go for a run, but you didn’t want to? Your hands shot out, grabbed a pair of running shoes, and started lacing them up! You kept saying no, but the body didn’t listen. All of a sudden, you’re out the door and running. That’s almost what I need with fitness and health. Like giving the keys to let someone else drive. Would your body keep doing what you currently do daily? Sitting all day, hunched over a screen, doomscrolling Facebook or Instagram, or reading my blog ?? I don’t think so, well maybe the blog part… It’s a decent blog…? I leave you with the lyrics to one of my favorite punk songs along this same topic below. Enjoy!

Bad Religion – No Control (One of my favorite punk songs)

Culture was the seed of proliferation, but it’s gotten melded
Into an inharmonic whole to an inharmonic whole
Consciousness has plagued us and we cannot shake it
Though we think we’re in control
Though we think we’re in control

Questions that besiege us in life are testament of our helplessness

There’s no vestige of a beginning, no prospect of an end
When we all disintegrate, it will all happen again, yeah

Time is so rock solid in the minds of the hordes
But they can’t explain why it should slip away
Explain why it should slip away
History and future are the comforts of our curiosity
But here we are rooted in the present day
Rooted in the present day

Questions that besiege us in life are testament of our helplessness

There’s no vestige of beginning, no prospect of an end
When we all disintegrate, it will all happen again, yeah
If you came to conquer, you’ll be king for a day
But you too will deteriorate and quickly fade away

And believe these words you hear when you think your path is clear
We have no control
We have no control
We have no control
We do not understand, you have no control
You are not in command

You have no control
We have no control
No control, no control
You have no control