If your race didn’t go as expected, that’s OK; it doesn’t matter much. Whether you DNF’d, PR’d, finished DFL, or just got it done, in the end, they’re all just outcomes—they’re not who you are. 12 years of Blues Cruise, and I can tell you with certainty, that while each race plays out slightly different, they all had one underlying theme. That’s what I plan to cover in this post.
This photo shows data points of each year. That’s what all races are. They are just data points toward the person you want to become. Snapshots of a single day in your life. Neither good, nor bad, it’s what life allowed for you on that day. Training, weather, mental preparedness, etc, course conditions, are never the same. If I showed you a picture of yourself year after year, it wouldn’t tell the full story of your life, let alone your training. Well, I am slowing down, that’s obvious. What isn’t shown is everything going on in a person’s life, or how they coped with the stress on race day. Each runner’s experience—and their finish time—is shaped by countless factors: genetics, training, heat acclimation, nutrition, and so many more.
The biggest change I’ve seen in myself over the years is that today, I’ve stopped comparing myself to others—and especially to my past self. Yes, I know I graphed my times, but it was to prove a point. The numbers never tell a full story, like one of my favorite quotes:
“No person ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and they’re not the same person.”
Every year I come back things are so different from the previous year, I can never compare with a past performance. I may think I have control over how the race plays out, but more often than not it feels as though I am at a slot machine each year. Pulling the handle to see what the day brings. I care less about the clock, and more about how the training felt. Was I eager to get out of bed? Did I enjoy the process? Because if that starts to become an issue I will never even make it to the starting line the following year. The race is always the dessert, when it comes to running. It’s that bonus you GET if you built your fitness AND remained injury free to toe the line. From experience, trying to have a perfect execution on “that” day is a tough, if not near impossible for most unless you have no other commitments. As I age, I care more about just getting to the start vs if I “win”. Winning in ultras is being able to do them, as long as you can, as often as your life allows.
In the graph above, my best races were always shared with others. I wrote about race day where I ran with 3 very fast females. I wrote about “Damn the Torpedoes” where I met my first athlete Zach I coached. When you get lost in conversation and focus on something other than yourself, you can transcend time, and surprisingly do your best. I had breakout performances where I shared more miles with people vs alone, I was focused on others vs self rumination.
The weather wasn’t on my side for a perfect execution this year, and that was OK. What I was thrilled about was putting everything on the line. I went out hard, and enjoyed every moment. The old me cared about time, the new me cares about process and giving each race everything you can. The races are a point in time on a given day, and truly anything can and DOES happen. You need to take risk, and be OK with failure to see what you are capable of. Like a magical wizard trying to cast a spell, where the incantation has to be perfect to summon the beast. If one word, or ingredient is off, you summon an abomination of a race filled with pain, cramping, blisters, and suffering. Even with all the training, nutrition, and gear, you can still have things fall apart. That’s what coming back each year has taught me, that things go sideways, reality doesn’t always meet expectation, and you need to adjust.
So take your data point and move on, evaluate what happened BUT come back next year! That’s what is critical, its not a representation of you, but a snapshot in time where maybe some years the stars aligned. Some runners get it 100% right 100% of the time. Good for them! I keep signing up because its the process that keeps me motivated, happy, and a better person. A patient father, and better husband. Excellence is the ability to endure hardships. Ultras teach you that life isn’t fair, this is hard, and that nobody is coming to save you—except YOU! Well maybe that bean burrito at AS4 was your savior?? 😆
While Blues Cruise was my race I came back to each year, it could have been any event. Fall in love with some activity, some race, and just keep doing it. Try to master something silly, as that’s what most people think of ultras. That’s what I love. I’ll NEVER master this race, or anything in the short time I’m here. I’ll never master ultras, but it doesn’t stop me from trying. I have no choice!
“My dear, Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you and let it devour your remains. For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover”
Thanks for reading! This isn’t your typical race report; it’s more of a reflection on why I came back the twelve times. I hope you enjoyed it.
